When Things Look Black, There's Always a Silver Lining
When my mom died, I was forever changed; and definitely not for the better.
Depression.
Heavy drinking.
Fuck the world and everyone in it attitude.
I lost a big part of me. In more ways than one.
Three years after her death, I decided that I needed to find healing otherwise I was going to self-destruct.
I made an appointment with Sara Beaupre, a powerful and dynamic Psychic Medium.
My experience can be summed up in two words.
Mind blowing.
I was riding high for weeks after our video call. I started to view things differently. My life had different meaning. My dreams became bigger because I had my very own angel and I knew she’d be with me every step of the way.
More than anything I wanted to revert back to that person my mom saw in me while she was on Earth and still sees in me in the spirit world.
But the high wore off.
Some days were harder than others and continue to be.
I mean I lost my first best friend, how does one ever get over that?
It has now been six years since she passed away.
Thursday, December 1, 2016.
Still seems like yesterday.
Today, like every year on her anniversary, I watch the recording of my private session with Sara.
This time, it hit me different.
“Pull yourself together, Rebecca!” I don’t know if I said that aloud or if it was a voice in my head, but it didn’t matter because I obeyed.
I wiped the tears and the abundance of snot that was pouring from my nose and packed up my 4-legged sidekicks and went for a hike.
A balmy 17° in Wisconsin. Sun shining through the trees and we had the trail all to ourselves. Thanks mommy.
I talked with her. More than I have in years. I felt guilty that I’ve been so radio silent.
I told her that going forward I will start our day with a good morning and end it with a good night.
I miss her so much.
We finished up our 3 miles and as Vince and Reggie were loading up, I sneezed and felt blood come dripping out of my nose. I gave a quick dab and found this:
#signfrommyangel
My eyes immediately welled up and right then and there I made a promise to her that I would get back to that person that she would be proud of.
I’m not sure why I felt compelled to write this.
Maybe it’s a reminder for all the people struggling with their grief that it just goes to show that our angels will remind us that they’re always with us, even if it’s shown in the strangest ways. You just have to be open to receive the message.
Maybe it’s for all the people who haven’t lost a parent yet and this is your reminder to love them hard. Set aside your differences. Make time to call/visit them. Stop with your excuses. Your kids sporting event isn’t more important than their birthday celebration. We take a thousand moments for granted and mostly because we assume there will be a thousand more. Sadly, with a blink of an eye they’re gone and the guilt of being a selfish asshole will take years of therapy to undo. Trust me.
Or maybe it’s a reminder to us all that even when faced with the most gut-wrenching loss, there is something beautiful on the other side.
